ABOUT ME:

Just your typical everyday street golem.

WHAT DO I DO:

I’m an agent for a debt collection company. If you’re put off by how sketchy that sounds, then by all means, move along. But if you’re a real man, read on. It’s a pretty long story, but I’ll give you the gist here: I dropped out of high school, lived on the streets for a while, and got in a lot of fights. Eventually, people took notice of my special, uh… “talents”, and some dude offered me a job shaking down jerkoffs who owe money out the ass. And here we are.

MY IDEA OF A PERFECT DATE:

I love to go clubbing, but fair warning: it’s pretty fucking hard to dance when you weigh over 500 pounds. So try not to make too much fun of me when I’m shuffling around the dance floor, okay? Other than that, I’m also down for barhopping, people-watching, and anything else that isn’t too athletic for my hard-ass body.

THE FIRST THING PEOPLE NOTICE ABOUT ME:

The tats are pretty prominent, I guess. Once people get over the whole concrete-body thing, that’s usually the first thing they comment on. I’ve spent years working on these sleeves, and I’m proud of them. In addition to the ones I did myself, I’ve collected tags from some of the most notorious artists in the city — turns out, most of them can’t say no to such a unique canvas.

FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, SHOWS, MUSIC AND FOOD:

Books: Can’t remember the last time I read a book. I used to read a lot of comic books as a kid, if that counts.

Movies: Not a huge fan of any modern shit, but those corny 80’s hip hop flicks are my jam. Breakin’ 2 is a modern masterpiece, and I’ll fight you on that.

TV Shows: I like watching crime dramas so I can laugh at the horribly cliche “urban” dialogue. I can almost guarantee you all the writers on those shows have never set foot outside the fucking suburbs.

Music: Hip hop, classic rap, punk, you name it. Just cool it with the “hard rock” jokes, okay?

Food: Any ethnic food. Well, authentic ethnic food. None of that corporatized chain bullshit. I mean, why fuck around with Taco Dell when the barrio is three streets over? Pretty much everything in Chinatown or Little Italy is gonna be a winner as well.

SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER DO WITHOUT:

the six packs I smoke every week.

TURN ONS:

Tats, six-packs, confidence. My ideal guy is a free-thinker and a good dancer.

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF: 

If you want to spend some time getting to know the real city, not the shiny surface-level shit they put on postcards; or if you just wanna have a good time, throw back a few beers, and cause some trouble with a real “street girl”. If you’re looking for a girl who could either kick your ass or rock your world, hit me up… if you think you’ve got the stones for it.